We Do Recover

I didn’t think this would be the last time I got clean. I just wanted everyone off my back long enough to get my kid back. I walked into a sick Oxford House in November of 2019. I was asked by a member of another house to interview with them the next day. This woman said to me, “Either we’re going to find out you’re the problem or you’re going to thrive.” I was accepted and let me tell you, I THRIVED. Being in a strong house and taught by strong women how to carry on the Oxford Guidelines has set me up for success. Failure was not an option this time. I had a kid who needed me more than ever. Yes, there were many learning curves with the way I delivered my message sometimes. My passion for doing the right thing and following the model was very important to me. Seeing other people make the mistakes I made was very difficult. I wanted to save them some time and skip a few steps. But I have the understanding that that’s not everyone’s path. Some people may never make it. I’ve seen many people go out and never come back.

Seeing from the outside what my family saw with me crushed me. I’m grateful I’ve had the opportunity to become the person I’ve evolved into. I couldn’t have done it without OXFORD HOUSE. The life skills that I’ve learned will be with me forever. Now when I daydream about the future, I don’t see the old me with old patterns. The words I use are recovery-related and full of inspiration. A woman from a meeting once told me “ You may be one of ones who dies in this disease.” I’ll never forget that moment. It has been a deciding factor in my life choices these days. They say “The progressive illness are always the same – Jails, institutions and death” I refuse to be that statistic. I’m grateful for Paul who helped create the Oxford House concept.

I come from an alcoholic family and lost my mother when I was 6 years old. I was raised by my emotionally-abusive grandmother. I started drinking at 18 years old and had my daughter at 20 years old. My addiction was full blown by 24 years old. I moved to Austin and left my daughter with her father.

I continued drinking and using, became homeless on and off for 11 years living in Austin. I woke up on my friend’s couch one morning and realized I needed help after 2 stints in a mental institution, a few times in jail and possible prison time. I detoxed for a week and went to a treatment center for 30 days. I was encouraged by my counselor to try Oxford House. I moved into OH Copperfield and haven't looked back since then.

Hello, Oxford House Family. My name is Jimmy Martin and I identify as a person in long-term recovery. What that means to me is that I no longer need to use drugs or alcohol to deal with or hide from life on life's terms. My clean date is 08/21/2021. Before starting this journey, I spent 30-plus years in active addiction and was a raging alcoholic. My life was a trainwreck and I was a shell of a human at best. The term “less than zero“ comes to mind often when I think of my past, even though at times it may have appeared that I had it all.

I interviewed and was accepted into an Oxford House in Virginia on 10/09/2021. That date is just as important to me as my clean date. After only a few days, it became apparent to me that Oxford House was exactly what I needed and that staying clean was possible. This will not be the only time you hear me say that Oxford House saved my life. It’s a little hard to explain the moment when your shoulders drop and you're not scared.

You eventually open up to your housemates and start sharing. I finally had a safe environment to start working on myself. That would be my best description after a couple of weeks in an Oxford House.

Shortly after learning exactly how much Oxford House had to offer, I knew it would be a part of my life forever. I am honored to now be part of the organization that was and is still so instrumental in my early and continued growth in recovery and life.

Well, my name is Fabian Garcia. I drank and use drugs and was also involved in gang life for 36 years of my life. I am 45 now and have been clean and sober for 2 years and 6 months now. This is my first time ever in recovery. I quit cold turkey. I went into treatment after I got out of 30-day inpatient. My family told me that they didn't think I was ready; that 30 days of treatment wasn't enough after 36 years of a certain way of life and that I should look into Oxford House. Of course, I was angry, scared and upset but I truly see now what my family meant. I was not ready for 2 days; I stayed in the Motel 6 then called the Oxford House. They did an emergency interview for me and I got accepted into chapter 19 and the house is called Courage Oxford House in Tacoma, Washington. If it wasn't for this place, I would never have had the chance to work on myself; I would never have found the sponsor that I have or the great circle of recovery that I have built in my chapter and other chapters in Oxford.

Oxford truly saved my life! If I had not come to Oxford, I know deep down that I would have failed and gone back to my old ways of street life, alcohol, drugs and gang bangs. It was very hard at first changing from a different lifestyle. Things are a lot quieter today. LOL. There were many times that I would just want to give up and leave because I feel like I didn't fit in but the people in Oxford and the chapter officers in my chapter were always there for me with love. They pushed me to do it and I did not relapse.

Oxford is giving me the chance take my time and, when I'm ready, I’ll go out to the real world and start giving back. What I've learned is that it's all about wanting to change; being positive, open-minded and helping others change. You have want it and some of us have to hit rock bottom to wake up and that was me. Today I don't run away from my problems. I try my hardest and, if I fail, I don't give up; I try again. For me, Oxford is about growing and helping others grow because we're all a little lost sometimes; we just need a little bit of help to find ourselves out of this Darkness. I call it the Twilight Zone and, praise the Lord, I am no longer there. Today, I have my 3 children and my family back in my life and when I feel lost, all I have to do is pick up that phone and I know somebody will be there with open arms. Much love to everybody; change is possible. If it can change this Mexican from 36 years of gang life and drinking and drugging, you also can change. You’ve just got to want it-- like I said :).

After getting clean in treatment, I moved into Nevaeh II Oxford House in Tacoma, WA. I'd never before gone to treatment, worked a 12-step program, or lived with people outside of my family (unless you count bouncing around from place to place with random “friends“ in addiction). All I knew was that I needed to be willing to try new things if I wanted to succeed in maintaining this new way of life I was embarking on.

I was nervous and excited. But from the moment I was interviewed, I felt welcomed. I learned how to live among others in a way I had never known existed. We worked through problems, together. We supported each other through rough moments. We celebrated the big and the small victories of our recovery and of life. We’ve seen people come in and blossom and grow. Sometimes people struggled to learn how to live a life with responsibility and accountability, which made it all the sweeter when they got it. And sometimes they didn't and they had to go. We worked together to handle those situations with compassion and grace. And sometimes we had the opportunity of seeing people come back and try again.

The women of Nevaeh II became my family over the almost two years I lived there, and they remain a part of my family today. But, it didn't stop there, during my time in Oxford House I was blessed with an entire community of people in recovery who offered love and support.

Oxford House is a huge part of my recovery story and forever a part of my heart.”

“Recovery and Community: My Oxford House Story.”

After 2 failed attempts at living in Oxford House, I finally returned to Oxford House on June 22, 2015. I was 50 years old and had been struggling with addiction for almost my entire life. I had been in and out of treatment programs, jails, and prison, but nothing had ever seemed to stick. I felt I was doomed to an everlasting cycle of chronic relapses into the deep and dark pit of active addiction. I was at my wit's end and didn't know what else to do.

I had 2 previous brief successes with Oxford House and knew that Oxford House was probably the only option left to help me achieve a lifetime of successful recovery. I decided to give Oxford House living one final chance.

When I first moved into Oxford House Gregory Way, I was scared and uncertain. I only knew one of the housemates, and I didn't know if I could really do this. But the people in my house were so welcoming and supportive, and I quickly started to feel like I belonged. I learned a lot about myself during my time in Oxford House. I learned how to live a life in recovery, how to manage my emotions, and how to build healthy relationships. I also learned the importance of community and support.

Here are some of the key principles that I learned during my time in Oxford House:

• The importance of community. Oxford House is a community of people who are all working towards the same goal: recovery. This sense of community was incredibly important to me, and it helped me stay clean when I was struggling.

• The importance of accountability. In Oxford House, everyone is accountable to each other. This means that we all must follow the house rules, and we all must support each other in our recovery. This sense of accountability was incredibly helpful to me, and it helped me stay on track.

• The importance of service. In Oxford House, we are all expected to stay clean and sober and serve the house in some way. This means holding a House Officer position, performing our daily and weekly chores in a timely manner, paying our EES on time, not being disruptive, and helping new members. This sense of service helped me to give back to the community, and it also helped me to stay clean. While living in my Oxford House, I learned and served in every House Officer position. I went on to serve at the Oxford House Chapter level as their treasurer. After I moved on from 6 ½ years of Oxford House living and into my own apartment on March 11, 2022, I still hold a volunteer service commitment to the Oxford Houses of Kitsap County. Oxford House is not a perfect place. There were times when it was difficult and challenging. But it is also a place of hope and possibility. It is a place where people can come together and help each other recover from addiction and learn how to live life on life’s terms. Living in Oxford House was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It gave me the tools and support I needed to get clean and stay clean. Oxford House was the perfect supplement to my program of recovery in Narcotics Anonymous. It gave me that extra layer of accountability that I needed to get through those few “tempting moments” when I was weak and found myself contemplating a relapse. I am so grateful for the opportunity to have lived in an Oxford House, and I know that I would not be where I am today without it. Oxford House literally saved my live and it is both an honor and a privilege to continue to be of service to this outstanding organization. – Christopher J. Mikesell, Funding Source Liaison, Oxford Houses of Kitsap County, Bremerton, WA

I owe my life to Oxford. I went to rehab in 2015 and one of the first things I heard was to go to Oxford if you want to stay sober. I didn't listen. Surprising for an addict, right?! I limped through the next 4 years never getting more than a few months of sobriety. During one of my bouts of sobriety, I got pregnant. I stayed sober until she was about 5 months old. I then went full on in my addiction and was drinking all day, every day... counting down the minutes till my daughter would nap so I could pass out for a bit and then start drinking again. It was bad. I picked her up from daycare in a full-on blackout. I should have lost her with how I was living my life... I was watching her grow and missing every minute of it. Something changed, I’m not sure what but I knew I had to do everything I thought I knew differently or I would lose everything. I dozed on my couch for a few days and called the closest Oxford house for an interview. I was moving in just a few days later.

I was so resistant to the idea of Oxford in all my other attempts at sobriety but I knew I had to try. It was a beautiful experience. I learned how to have real relationships, hold myself accountable, and be the mother my daughter needed. Some days were harder than others but these women became my family. I moved out after 15 months and my daughter still talks about the Oxford House to this day. I thought this would be traumatic for her but she grew right along with me and loved every minute of it. I am celebrating 4 years of sobriety this month and tears are coming to my eyes as I write. I love my life and know that, without Oxford, I wouldn't have anything that I have now. I'm in a healthy relationship with a sober man; we just welcomed a baby into our lives, and my kids have a mom who is there... not just physically but mentally, spiritually, and whole heartedly... because of Oxford. Words can't express the love and gratitude I feel when I think of Oxford.

Throughout my life I have experienced a lot of trauma, from the death of my siblings and my father and many other family members, to witnessing my parent’s divorce, domestic abuse against my mom who was beaten up by me and my stepdad and me. I was beat up by my ex- husband; I was sexual assaulted by my stepdad, and I struggled with my own mental illness. I had two loving parents and a great childhood up until the age of 12 when my parents split up, I was stuck with my mom. She struggled to raise me on her own. My mom couldn’t pay the bills which meant living with no electric or home from time to time. My mom and my dad were both arrested for writing checks on a closed credit union account, so I was sent to Fayetteville to my aunt and uncle’s when my mom went to jail. When she got out things were rough but slowly getting better.

At the age of 15, I started drinking, partying, with friends and getting into trouble. By the age of 15, I was a full-blown addict using cocaine, pain pills and alcohol. This was one of the lowest point in my life. I was alone, and scared. My life had become a trail of broken promises, shattered hearts, and wasted potential. I can remember crying out to God in desperation to please end it all. I no longer wanted to live. It was in my darkest hour. Over the years of my life, drugs and alcohol came in and out of my life whenever things were going wrong. It seemed to be the only way I could escape all the thoughts and hurt. Somewhere in my darkest hour I cried out for God and I felt this inexplicable pull to know my Savior more and the time to leave that old life behind. I fought it for awhile, fearing I could never get sober, fearing the future, and fearing I would never be good enough. FEAR IS A LIAR! I felt broken and alone – having lost everything from having a loving mother to a hateful stepdad who just wanted me gone. He forced my mom to choose him or me and I was soon sent to a boarding school in Montana. I’ve battled addiction for almost 30+ years. While married to my ex-husband, I was able to hide my addiction from him. I’ve been to countless rehabs and other programs, only to relapse time and time again. Each time, I would lose a little more hope that I would ever live without drugs, but it finally came to a halt when I lost everything and landed myself in jail multiple times. I had periods of recovery in the past, but feelings of depression, anxiety, shame, and self-doubt would creep back in. For as long as I can remember, feelings of depression overshadowed every area of my life. There were times of recovery, but none lasted. From 1997-2001 I had three children, and would eventually lose custody of all three of them. In 2004, I lost custody of my children to my ex- husband for being homeless and jobless. I was in and out of bad relationships.

I was in jail when I found freedom form the depression and I have seen God’s love for me in new ways. I have now been clean from pain pills and cocaine for 10 1/2 years (May 4th will be 11 years) and sober from alcohol for almost 1 year 11 1/2 months (June 4th). I am so grateful to give back to the program that helped me get my life back. I’ve been delivered from drug and alcohol addiction. I've truly been blessed since I’ve turned my life around. I now have an income and my own place to live. I am trying to reach out to my kids and I remind myself daily that my higher power is not done with me yet!”

I have been in recovery for just over 9 months. I have used since I was about 12 years old. I'm getting ready to celebrate my 50th birthday. The last day that I used was September 21, 2022, I nearly lost my life. Luckily, there happened to be someone nearby that had Narcan and knew how to use it. I never found out who this person was; some random stranger that God put near me that morning, but I like to imagine that it was someone who was once in a situation like mine and had found a better way to live and made it a point to be ready to help the next struggling person if that need presented itself.

When I left the hospital, I decided that I was done. Not just the half-hearted lipservice “done“ that I had always told myself before but done in a way that no matter how hard, no matter what obstacles lay before me, I was going to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that I had to do to make it through this time.

I checked into a detox center and from there a treatment center. This was the first time I had ever been to rehab, and for the next 2 months I worked hard to kick my physical habits and put myself in a good position to be ready for the real work that lay ahead. While in treatment, there were some fellas in there who insisted that when I got out that I start attending NA meetings, get a sponsor and start doing stepwork. “The freedom is in the steps“, they told me. And I took that advice. Just a few hours out of treatment. I found myself attending my very first meeting. It was an all men's meeting, and would go on to become my home group and also where I would find my kick-ass sponsor....someone that I am blessed to call my friend today. I started working steps, and things started to turn around in my life. Something that I hadn't expected was going on. A spiritual awakening. It wasn't just a slogan in a book; it was real, and I was amazed! I had to keep going, I needed more!

At the time, I was living off the grid on some property that I own up in the mountains – totally isolated and cut off from everything. As an introvert, this was the kind of living that suited me for so long. But it was also very dangerous to my spiritual well-being and to my recovery. I knew it, and so did my sponsor. He recommended that I find a better living arrangement that kept me closer to the world, especially those in my support group that I would need close by if I were struggling with anything. One of my homegroup members was living in Oxford, there was an open bed available, and he suggested that I interview with the house.

I interviewed and was accepted, and this began another chapter in my recovery, my Oxford journey. Joining Oxford was a big adjustment for me. I hadn't had roommates since I was in my early 20s, I had a lot of social anxiety, and had a lot of self-doubt about my ability to thrive in a recovery environment with 6 other men that I didn't really know. My isolated lifestyle had conditioned me to fear this kind of living situation. But I had made a promise to myself, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. I was going to put my head down and dive in.

And again, what I found was amazing! The house was centered on recovery and accountability. Even though I was brand new, my voice counted as much as the guy who had been there for years. And after just a couple of weeks, they asked me to take the responsibility as house president. At first, I thought that meant, I just had to go to the chapter meetings once a month and delegate the house meetings. But, as I read into and meditated on this role and my responsibilities to the house, I began to understand it to be so much more. I discovered that, aside from my responsibilities to report our house standings with chapter, that I also had a much bigger role to the house itself: to provide a sense of leadership to our house members. Not in a way of having control over anyone or anything but a role of guidance and leading by examples of principles. If there are problems between house members, I can act as a mediator to find solutions. I make sure that every member, old and new, understand the rules and structures of Oxford, and that they understand WHY these are important to the health of the entire house. I make sure that every member is aware of chapter meetings, Oxford events, and encourage members to be a part of them for their own benefit. To encourage social interaction, and to congratulate members on achievements and accomplishments and celebrate them together as a family. I also try to talk individually to each member often and try to figure out any problems if

I think someone is off or not acting how they normally would. I encourage meetings and sponsorship, and even offer rides to anyone that needs them.

I have seen behavioral problems and relapse along the way, and people struggling with things and not letting anyone reach them to help, and these things have been hard to deal with personally. But my service to the house and the people in it, to Oxford and to the recovery community as a whole, has allowed me to continue to see amazing growth in my own life and recovery, and I look forward to seeing all the miracles continue to unfold in my life and those around me! Thank you, Oxford! You have been a huge blessing in my life and I am so grateful!

The Oxford Havey House in Madison, Wisconsin has really taught me how to stay sober and how to go about my recovery. The accountability in these houses is great and I also love everyone who has been in my house over these 8 months that I have been there. If I had gone out on my own after going to inpatient treatment, I don't think I would still be clean. Oxford House has taught me how to do outreach at treatment centers in Madison. I am the outreach person for the Madison Oxford chapter and I do a lot of the presidents’ duties at my house because the president works a lot. I set up the interviews for my house and help out with whatever I can. I am also the secretary at my house; it has taught me a lot of responsibility, When I was using, I was not responsible. I will always look back at Oxford Houses even when I do go back to my own apartment again. It really has taught me a lot.

My name is Leann and I am an alcoholic and addict.  My first meeting was in November 1984 and I just celebrated my 5th year clean in July 2006.  It took me 17 years to get one year of SOBRIETY.  I always knew I was an alcoholic.  My first drink was at 13 years old and I wanted more immediately.  It took the pain away.  It suddenly made me feel O.K. I was no longer that little girl on the outside looking in. I can honestly remember having low self-esteem in 2nd grade; that’s 7 years old!  Needless to say, once I could escape and numb those feelings – I had found my calling.

I had tried every drug, every way at least once by the time I was 19 years old.  I got addicted to crystal meth (we used to call it crank then) at 21 years old.  I had found my drugs of choice – alcohol and ANY kind of amphetamine I could find.  This included over the counter drugs, anything at all.  I would be “UP” all day and then come down at night with alcohol.  I could never face a day at work without speed.  I really can’t remember ever being “speed free” at work except during my two pregnancies.  They were such miserable days too.

At 30 years old I went into my 3rd or 4th rehab.  Immediately coming out – I met my “husband to be”.  We were “in love.”  (I think he had about 4 months).  We got married 11 months later (DO NOT DO THIS!)  About a year after our son was born in 1993 we decided to drink together. (I had been eating speed the whole year after my son was born though- but I was functional, so it was OK!)  Well from 1994 until 2001 it was the blind leading the blind in our house.  My marriage was a joke, but we enabled each other – it was PERFECT!  We would drink every night and continue to live like everything was OK.  After my daughter was born in 1999 I found a diet center that gave you as many pills as you needed every two weeks for $60.00.  All you had to do was tell them you were still hungry and they slowly increased your daily dosage.  Toward the end of my using I was eating about 15-20 pills (37.5 mg each) of phentermine a day and drinking about ½ gallon of vodka in two days.  I was crazy!  I was paranoid and psychotic. I was the meanest, most emotional woman ever. I was hallucinating.  All I was doing was running around in circles every day.  I wouldn’t go to sleep for 4 of 5 days at a time. When I would run out of pills then life stopped and I crashed for a couple days – but I was up and ready to go when I could go back and get more pills. (You couldn’t go back before the two weeks were up)  

To make a long story short, in July 2001 I went into my last rehab to date.  When I walked out of Warwick Manor – something changed.  I suddenly realized that I couldn’t blame anyone for my problems – it was all me.  It took me 9 months to withdrawal from the speed.  It’s an emotional withdrawal and I cried and cried at a moments notice.  By this time I was a single parent trying to cope with it.  The cravings were gone – but the hard part was living!  I felt less then and simply didn’t want to be a parent to a 7 year old and a 1 year old.  But GOD got me through it!  

When I was three months clean I applied for an accounting job listed in the paper for a “non-profit in Silver Spring Maryland”.  They called me after receiving my resume and told me that the organization was Oxford House, Inc. (I had lived in a house for about 3 days in 1991 but had totally forgotten about this until about 3 years ago. I was so toxic.)  I explained that I knew what an Oxford House was and they asked me if I was in the program.  The rest you could say is history.  I’ve been working for Oxford House for five years now and not found it necessary to use. GOD opened this door for me and I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.  I am truly blessed.  During this past 5 years – I have turned my life around.  Today I have a great relationship with GOD, working the steps every day, sponsor people, but I still have a lot to learn.  Thank goodness this is a journey.  Today I can look at people in the eye and not feel ashamed.  I’m a good mother and my ex and I get along fairly well today. (He is also clean!)  What a blessing! There is no question in my mind that if I didn’t get this job at OHI, I probably would be dead now. For five years I have asked GOD to come into heart and give me more and more faith in HIM.  He has answered my prayers.  You see I always “believed” in GOD but today I TRUST HIM.  There is a difference. I am teaching my children to TRUST HIM.  I do not take credit for this.  This is all HIS doing.  I have so much more to learn about myself and I look forward to doing the steps all over again.  I want to stay green and remember the pain.  You see I never really lived in an Oxford House but Oxford House saved my life.

I started drinking at an early age. By the time I was in high school, I was getting drunk on a regular basis and experimenting with many drugs.  It wasn’t until I was married and divorced with two children that I took a hard look at my addictions. I had gotten numerous Driving While Intoxicated, Hit and Runs, and other misdemeanor charges throughout the years. A bartender at one of my drinking holes would later in life tell me stories of my drinking and how one day, after 30 double whiskey and cokes I would still walk around talk like I hadn’t had a drink all day. I had been in and out of a number of treatment centers, both inpatient and outpatient. One day I was driving after being up for 36 hours on one of my drinking binges and smashed my pickup into the back of a UPS truck. The next day I asked one of my co-workers to take me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

I would get a week clean and relapse. Then I would get three weeks and then relapse, 30 days and relapse and on and on. After about six months of in and out of sobriety my sponsor and I had a serious talk and he mentioned he had helped Myrna Brown open the first women’s Oxford House in the state and that Oxford House might be a good thing for me. I didn’t like the idea. It sounded so much like a treatment center or “halfway” house. But with my sponsor’s suggestion, I called the phone number and went for an interview.    

I was accepted into the Silver Star Oxford House and things started changing immediately. I stated working with my sponsor and the 12 steps. For the first six months, I was on that “Pink Cloud” everyone talks about. I got involved with Oxford House and AA. After six months sobriety, I got a job working with computers, which was something I had wanted to do for a long time. I started dating my ex-wife and resumed my relationship with my children. After a year with Silver Star, I was so impressed with the Oxford House Concept and thankful, I helped open the Laurelwood Oxford House. Then after two years, my Ex-wife asked me to come home and I got a government job with an office and a view as a Computer Systems Analyst.  Things were really looking up. I had everything I wanted. Everything I needed. And it just wasn’t enough.  

I wish I could say that life has been wonderful but after a year back with my ex-wife, I stopped working the steps, I stopped calling my sponsor, working with others and stopped all my service work. Work and Family life had demanded more of my time. Up to this point I had primarily been a drunk. I wanted an escape but it wasn’t alcohol I wanted.  The Big Book tells us “Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems all forms of spiritual disease.” Hindsight is always 20/20. I got resentments over someone in the program and I became bitter. I only ended up hurting myself and loved ones around me. As I was driving home one day from work, I saw a drug deal go down and I pulled my car over and bought whatever it was he was selling. It was Crack Cocaine and I was instantly hooked.  

In eight short months after the first hit of Crack, I lost my job, my ex-wife booted me out again, and I had lost all the material possessions to the dealer or pawn shop. I was homeless, penniless and desperate. I slept in a storage room 3 feet by 6 feet.  I kept telling myself that I had been down here before and I could pull myself up again. But I couldn’t, every $20 I earned I had the best intentions for the money but it ultimately went to the dealer. I remember everyone talking about the “yets”.  This is something that hasn’t happened to us “Yet” and that our drinking and using hadn’t brought us to that “Yet”. I wish I had heeded those wonderful clichés from AA. They say bad things come in threes and this is what happened to me. First I was arrested for a possession charge downtown and sentenced to drug court. Second, in desperation for the drug, I stole from a friend of mine and she rightfully pressed felony theft charges. And last, I was driving home with my brother. I had been drinking and smoking crack earlier that day. Although I had a license I did not have insurance. I should not have been on the road. I was in a crash that killed an 11-year old boy. Had it not been for the testimonies of the drivers behind me, I would still be in prison today for vehicular manslaughter.

It was then I decided to take my own life. There was no way I should live while others die because of my choices. One night I took all the pills I had and became sick and hospitalized for about a week. Isolation was my only friend. I didn’t want to get clean. I didn’t want to keep using. I just wanted all the pain to end. The outpatient treatment center and my counselor kept encouraging me to keep moving forward but it wasn’t until the Judge from drug court gave me an ultimatum that I really started to try. He said either get and stay clean or go to jail for a year. I went back to my counselor and we came up with a plan. I would get 30 days clean again and apply at an Oxford House. It seemed so simple. It was the missing key.

I was accepted back into the house I had helped open up five years previously. They didn’t have a bed available but I convinced them to let me sleep on the couch until one was available. I slept on the couch and floor for over a month while paying my fair share and I was happy to be there. I started working the steps again, got involved and was going to meeting after meeting.  

It hasn’t been easy this time around. Things haven’t come my way as easily and as fast as they did the first time. I made a deal with myself. I would give it two years and if things did not get better then I could always go back to being miserable. There were a number of times I wanted to give in and finish the job. But, every day, every month I could look back and see that things were getting better little by little. I became involved. I helped open a number of houses in my area. Over the last five years we have gone from 13 houses to 26. I have held every house position, chapter position and was the state chairman for a year. I currently sit on the world council.  

For me there was a combination of things that had to take place in order for me to get and stay clean. AA, NA, CA and Oxford House are the biggest parts of me staying sober. My ex-wife and I are dating again. I see my kids’ everyday. I no longer value material things the way I used to. I help wherever I can and sometimes I do too much. I’m still trying to find that balance in life. I go to meetings all the time, AA CA and NA alike. I still live in the Oxford House I helped open three years ago. My friends kid around about how I use Oxford House for the cheap rent. Not true. I would pay double to stay around other recovering people. I suppose in some eyes, I should be ready to move on but when I think about it, there is absolutely no reason for me to leave. Oxford House is my family. If we need more beds, I’ll stand ready to help open another house.

My journey to Oxford House started with 30 years of insanity. I am from Baltimore and had a wonderful childhood until the sudden death of my father. His suicide left a hole in my heart and soul that I tried to fill with alcohol, drugs, men, money and whatever made me not feel the pain of his death. During the early years of my using, I was able to go to college, buy a home, maintain good paying jobs and live a comfortable life. But my disease progressed to the point where I lost the home and the good paying jobs. Jail and institutions became my home throughout my journey to Oxford House. To avoid ridicule from my family, I would admit myself to inpatient drug treatment. To avoid possible suspension from work, I would admit myself to outpatient treatment. I continued to avoid other things like paying taxes, car notes, rent, family and friends. The shame and guilt of the kind of person I had become forced me into a world of not just using drugs but also using people. I didn’t know how to live without drugs. And just like my father who self-destructed, I was well on my way.

Drug dealing then became what I thought was a good idea. That just ended up with having my house raided and me getting charged with 5 felonies and being detained for weeks in jail.  I was facing 25 years in prison but received three years probation. What a relief! I then picked up where I left off – using and abusing. My 30 year run finally came to an end when I found myself evicted again but this time with no where to go. There seemed to be a moment of clarity as I watched what little I had out on the curb in front of my apartment house. I finally realized that something needed to change – that something was me.  

My family was not receptive to letting me move in with them but they would get me help. It was suggested that I get into treatment again – which I did. This time I was more than willing to get help and stop using. While in treatment, Narcotics Anonymous would bring meetings in for us. It was then that I heard about Oxford House. But, of course, I thought I knew what was best for me and wanted to go into transitional housing that was available through the treatment center. However, they did not have any beds open and it was suggested that I interview with the area Oxford House. I was reluctant since I thought I needed more structure.  The bottom line was that I was scared – scared of leaving treatment, scared that I couldn’t live somewhere without strict supervision, just scared to live life without drugs. My counselors kept telling me that I needed to have faith. Well, faith and much gratitude got me through my interview and acceptance into the Emack Oxford House.

Living in an Oxford House reinforced and reestablished a lot of things that I was not able to do or unwilling to do when I was using.  Things like paying rent and working. Things like learning how to live without using drugs. Things like becoming a responsible person. Things like developing healthy friendships and relationships. While I resided at Emack Oxford House, I started working for Oxford House Inc. What a blessing!  As a result of living in Emack and working for OHI, I was willing to help open more Oxford Houses especially for women.    

The 30-year-old hole in my heart has been filled with much love. Now I have my biological family back in my life and I have been blessed with my new family – My Oxford Family. GOD has been with me throughout this journey to Oxford House and I am so grateful. My life is good. I have been able to keep a job, buy and pay off a car note, pay taxes, complete and receive my Master’s degree and, most important, stay clean and serene for over 5 ½ years. With God’s help, I pray and have faith that my life will only get better. I have Oxford House living and my Oxford House family to thank for helping me start and being a part of this new journey.

My name is Stan; I’m an Alcoholic.  When I had my first taste of alcohol, I enjoyed the flavor and the idea of stealing it from my parents.  Pretty soon I was cutting the booze with water so my dad wouldn’t know.  I moved on to being a weekend warrior.  I’d just drink on weekends.  I didn’t drink to just get high; I would drink until I passed out.  I’d brag to my friends how much I drank and how much fun I had, even though I couldn’t remember a thing that happened that night.  Worse yet, if I did remember, I wouldn’t want to share the fact that I wet my pants, or got sick or was a complete ass.

At the old age of 18 I was in the service and drinking like a man – straight whiskey, beer back.  I was gung-ho and drank until I dropped every night.  One night I got drunk, got into a fight, woke up in the hospital.  I had a completely disarranged right knee and I missed my flight to Vietnam.  When I found out about the deaths of some of my friends in my squad, I threw a two-week drunk.  When I was discharged from the service I was drinking all day every day.  I hadn’t seen my family for two years.  My mom told me to quit feeling sorry for myself and get home.

I settled down for a while, found a wife, and life was good.  I don’t know why, but my life seemed to be missing something – alcohol.  The next 20 years of my life I would spend drinking and drugging.  I lost everything I worked so hard for, house, truck, boat and a wonderful wife.  Drinking wasn’t fun; it was something I needed to get to the next day.  It’s what I thought about when I got up in the morning, until I passed out.  Something finally hit me; I was tired of the loneliness and self-pity of this addiction.  I asked for help.  I entered LakeSide-Milam on September 14, 2002.  I thought if I could just keep away from the booze for a couple of weeks I’d have it made.  While they were repairing my body with food and rest, they gave me a book to read and tried to explain what makes us addicts – not the booze or the drugs but the disease.  I was always tired; I couldn’t stay awake.  I admitted that I was powerless and my life unmanageable.  I wanted to surrender.  That’s when I knew there was a power greater than ourselves.  The next two weeks I had the chance to really look at myself; they gave me ways to control the anger and pain that I was feeling.  I learned to share my feelings with others.  I attended AA meetings and found out I was not the only one who asked for help.  My 28 days were up.  I gave up my room at the house I was staying at with 5 other alcoholics.  I couldn’t go back; I made a decision to stop using.  I was told about Oxford House.

“My name is Sam; I’m a hot tar roofer and an Alcoholic.”  That’s all I had to say to get an interview at Brockman Oxford House.  I explained that I just got out of treatment 2 hours ago and needed a safe place to stay.  I had enough money to pay a weeks’ rent, or a couple days at a hotel.  They heard my story and gave me a ride to the locker to get my things.  I was accepted.  I just had to follow the rules, get along with everyone, and work on my recovery.  I’ve been living at Brockman House for almost 4 years now.  It took me awhile to get used to being with a group of guys like myself.  But together we have learned to manage and maintain the house and interact as a family.  I’ve had the honor to hold all House officer positions and pass that training on.  The last couple of years I’ve assisted Chapter 23 as Chapter Vice Chair and Chapter Chair.  This year I was elected Chairman of the Washington State Association of Oxford House.  I would like to show the community that recovery works, that we are good people, that we can be successful.

My name is Mike Z. and I AM an alcoholic.  I grew up in the Chicago suburbs.  Mom and Dad always had cocktail hour at 4pm each day.  I couldn’t WAIT to be like them.  My first hint I might be an alcoholic should have been when my friends and I found a bottle of Peppermint Schnapps.  I told them to meet me later.  I ditched them, then I drank the whole bottle.  I was 14 years old.

The police were kind enough to stop me 4 times in a 2-year period after I turned 21, each resulted in a DUI.  I was sent to treatment in lieu of jail in 1986.  I found out then that I was an alcoholic.  They said it was my parent’s fault, and that was JUST what I wanted to hear.  Being young, I was in no way ready to give up the lifestyle I had become accustomed to, which was drinking every chance I got.  

Years went by, my drinking cost me my driver’s license, my job I had for 8.5 years, and countless relationships.  It’s funny how (now it is) I knew my drinking was the cause of my problems, but chose alcohol over everything, and did not care about the consequences.  I used to go to nightclubs; now I went to low-end bars.  Soon enough though, I ended up drinking out in the woods by myself, I did not like to share my bottle with ANYONE.

I had two seizures in 2001, the first one in February.  They asked me if I drank a lot.  I said of course I don’t.  They said maybe I had diabetes.  I was happy to hear that because if they said it was alcohol, that would mean I have a drinking problem, even though I was well aware that I was an alcoholic (thanks to treatment in ’86).  The 2nd seizure in Nov. ’01 was without a doubt, and I fessed up that it was caused by lack of alcohol.  I was in the hospital for 7 days.  They sent me to a halfway house in the ghettos of Chicago.  I drank and used drugs while there.  

My sister, who lives in WA State, called me in Jan. 02 and asked me if I wanted to stop the madness.  I told her yes.  She offered to buy me a one-way ticket to WA to try and help me.  I took her up on that and arrived in WA Feb. 7, 2002.  I was taken to an AA meeting there, and found all these people smiling and welcoming me with open arms.  I hated it.  I didn’t want to stop, and sure as heck didn’t have the 3rd Tradition, the desire to stop drinking at all!!  But, to keep my sister happy and a room over my head, I went every Tuesday, made it my home group, and had a friend who knew me all too well.  He later became my sponsor.  My sister found my liquor.  I told her, and I absolutely believed, that there was no hope for me.  I would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER be able to live any kind of life without drinking.  They prayed for me and said if I had faith, there is a way.  I didn’t buy it.  I went to detox in April of ’02. Because I was from Chicago, I couldn’t get into treatment.  I was mad, and I showed them by going directly to the liquor store upon my departure from detox and got drunk.  I was in that detox for 16 days. Two weeks later, my sister and brother-in-law went to Chicago for a wedding, and left me alone.  On May 28th, 2002, I wrote my sister a letter thanking her for all the help.  I was convinced I could drink normally and be okay.  I told her not to worry and don’t come looking for me.

I got on a bus with the intent on going down to San Diego, CA to crash my brother’s place and live on his couch for a while.   Normal, huh!!!  I didn’t make it 5 miles, and I was looking for a liquor store, saw one, got off the bus, went and got a hotel room.  Now this is where GOD comes in.  I was intent on getting this room for the night; go have dinner in a restaurant, have a ‘cocktail’ before dinner, eat and then go back to the room, and get ready for the next days travels.  Normal stuff, right?  I never made it out of the room.  I immediately made one of my drinks, got drunk, and did what I always did.  Then, while sitting on my hotel bed, I looked in the mirror, and that is when I KNEW that YES, I AM an alcoholic and can’t even manage one night, let alone my life.  I asked GOD for help.  I totally surrendered to my disease and prayed hard.  This was IT!!  I’M DONE, AND NOW I HAVE THE DESIRE TO STOP DRINKING.

I called the same detox center I was in the previous month, knowing they were full up.  My first miracle, they had a bed, and if I could get there the next day by 9am I was in.  Well, I made it.  I thank GOD for this, HE removed my obsession for alcohol and I never wanted to drink again.  Of course, I would only have to change EVERYTHING ABOUT ME.  I was Okay with that, because I, in my present state, was not the person I could be.  So for me, changing everything was pretty easy.

The detox center suggested I call an Oxford House (never heard of ‘em).  I was willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to stay sober so I did.  I interviewed, got rejected, went to the Oxford House-Lloyd in Mountlake Terrace, WA and got in.  I was thrust into House Officer positions from the get-go.  I loved what I was seeing and decided I was going to learn everything there is to know to live comfortably in this House if it was going to be my home.  I continued to go to my home group, S.O.S. (Sober On the Sound).  That guy I mentioned earlier became my sponsor and I began working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to the best of my ability.  I have since done so, and continue to practice these principles in ALL my affairs on a daily basis.  

I then moved into the Oxford House-Evergreen Terrace, in Everett, WA.  I became very involved with my chapter, Chapter One, in Snohomish County.  I was first elected Chapter Secretary, then Housing Services Chair, and in my last year and a half in WA, I was Chapter chair.  I have tried to give back to Oxford House all that I can.  I believe if I can help someone, somewhere, find clean and sober living, and then be able to be there for support to share the experience, strength, and hope with, it’s a win-win situation no matter what!!  I cannot lose if I stay involved in both my program of recovery and my Oxford House family.

I lived in WA State for 3 and half years of my sobriety.  I have a great passion and gratefulness for Oxford House and I mentioned to Gino P., an Outreach Consultant in WA, that I would love to have the honor to work for Oxford House.  Well, that dream came true in November of ’05.  Paul M. asked me to come aboard, and I have since moved to New Jersey where I hope I am doing justice for my chance to be a part of the best Organization I can imagine.  For this I am truly grateful.  Keep coming back.  I will!!! GOD BLESS.

When I was first asked to write my Oxford House story by our founder Paul M., a person that I truly honor…my reaction was typical of most addicts. I don’t have a story…why would anyone care to know my experience…I do not have any profound reflections on life. That was the addict in my head, but the woman in recovery that I have become through the support and love of my Oxford family knows that is a LIE! I do have a story…people do call upon my experience…and I am a miracle.

I moved into the Oxford House – Asera in October 2002, broken by my addiction, not knowing how to be honest with others or myself and too afraid to be open-minded, but I had become willing.  I came from a place that many of us have faced and over time became survivors instead of victims.  I was living with sexual incest until I left home at 16, running into the arms of a man surrounded with drugs and alcohol, finding myself again with another man and I became trapped in the cycle of violence, and then again in another marriage and was introduced to new drugs and new ways to do them.  

After 26 years of using my disease had progressed and very quickly the ground I stood on slipped away from me as if turning into sand below my feet.  I lost my career; the car was repossessed, my children taken by the state.  I lost my freedom as I went into treatment and while I was there I lost my home to a house fire and my husband went to prison. So ‘broken’ is the word I will use to describe myself the day I walked into an Oxford house interview.

The process of producing a miracle began immediately. When I interviewed while transitioning from residential treatment I was terrified to try LIFE!  I knew that I had failed at being a daughter, a mother, a wife, and a friend and had become unemployable.  But the moment I was accepted into an Oxford House I felt wanted and needed and the healing process began.  I will be forever grateful to that small group of women who did not know me but saw that I wanted a new way of life and blew on that tiny ember of self-esteem that was deep inside me to spark my flame of life into existence again.

Immediately after moving into Oxford House my children began to transition back to me and after a few short months they were returned home.  I was very fearful of moving out on my own and would visit my house for continued support often.   I had gotten involved with service work for Oxford House and had a position in the chapter as secretary. When my term came up I was again full of fear to lose the accountability I had in place. My Oxford family recognized my need to stay involved and created an Alumni representative position in their chapter for me to hold.  As every door closed another was opened to me, and with every opportunity my peers supported me into my self-esteem grew.  The following year I was voted into a position as State Secretary and was blessed with the opportunity to come to my first Oxford House World Convention in Washington DC and also to participate in the Women's Conference. There I realized the true impact that Oxford House has made all around the world.  

I have grown to become so many things today because of my experiences and service to Oxford House. I now am a loving daughter, a caring parent, a sponsor, a sponsee, a friend, a responsible member of society and employable.  Today I work for the state with the woman that removed my children and the one that returned them helping other parents find recovery and always encouraging the opportunities that are available by choosing to live in Oxford House.

Today I no longer feel that I do not have a direction or purpose.  I am part of a huge family that I am dedicated to. I have a direction to continue to assist in cultivating new houses for any addict seeking a new way of life.  I have a purpose to preserve the Oxford House principles and traditions.  Today I have come of AGE!

My name is Shirley R. and on September 9th, 2006 I will have 5 years clean and sober.  Before coming to Oxford House I was a woman looking for love in all the wrong places, and I simply did not want to deal with the reality of life.

I started using crack cocaine at the age of 30, all because of a relationship that did not go my way. You see, I had the habit of taking care of needy men. I endured verbal, sexual and emotional abuse.  I did not care.  I just did not want to be alone. After that relationship ended I was introduced to the world of drugs. I had found something to take my pain away.  Needless to say, I got more than what I bargained for.

The world of drugs also got me doing things as a woman I never thought I would do and along with that it got me plenty of time behind bars. Even all of that was not enough to stop me from using.  Until I met a probation officer who cared more about me than I did myself and he decided to send me to treatment.  I went to treatment for 90 days and finally surrendered to my addiction and began to start loving and caring for myself.

While I was in treatment, it was suggested that I move to an Oxford House because it would be a safe and sober place and that I could learn how to live on life’s terms.  I was scared at first but the women I lived with showed me how to live and to accept things and to be honest.  I became very involved in Oxford House my first month living in the house, both in my house and with the Chapter we belonged to.  I became President of my house and Chairperson of my Chapter.  Then, at the 2003 World Convention, I was elected to the Oxford House World Council.

I called Paul M. and asked him if I could open houses and he allowed me to that.  I did this because of my gratitude to Oxford House and in order to help other people just like me live.  I did this without pay.  I was blessed when the opportunity came for the job of Outreach Worker and by God’s grace I was hired.  I now travel throughout the state of Virginia, opening houses and doing presentations and meeting wonderful people.  I feel that God gave me this calling and this job was chosen for me.  I will be going to school to become a substance abuse counselor in the fall.  All of this is due to Oxford House.  I would have never thought I would be here at this point in my life.

I was also blessed to get married to a man who also lived in an Oxford House and things just keep getting better.  I try to show others that miracles do happen and if they just do the footwork, more blessings will come.  It takes time and patience and a willingness to keep trying.  Oxford House is a true blessing for those that really want recovery and I am forever grateful.

Where to begin?  A little about me.  I am an ex-offender, addict and recovering prostitute.  Before coming to Oxford I was using the prison system as a revolving door (11½ years).  I went to SAFP (treatment behind the walls) 3 times before I really wanted to change.  On Nov. 18, 2000 I was once again arrested for stealing another car and I knew that day that I was either going to die or go to jail.  My God saw fit for me to live not die, and I made a vow to do things different from that point on.  So when I got into Dallas Co. jail, I started writing to go into the substance abuse program there.  I was accepted in January of 2001, and started working on Kari.  

I then went to court and the D.A. wanted me to get 25 years minimum or LIFE.  Why?  The D.A. accurately pointed out that I had 6 felonies in the state of Texas and 2 in Ohio.  I prayed and went open plea before my judge (Judge Cruezot).  He told me the problem was that I could do time and I needed to learn how to live life on life’s terms.  So he sent me to SAFP [Substance Abuse Felony Program] unit of the Texas Correctional System for the 3rd time and put me on 5 years probation on top of my parole.  While at SAFP I did just that, I worked hard on myself.  I worked on my abuse issues and learned a lot about Kari and how my behaviors played into my lifestyle I continued to live in.  Also, I am dually diagnosed (bipolar disorder plus addiction).  

After leaving SAFP I went to a TCC (transitional treatment center) for 60-90 days.  I did that and my counselor brought up Oxford Houses to me.  They had told me about it the last time but of course I wasn’t ready and you see where I ended up once again.  This time I wanted my life to be different, so I called Oxford House – Catalpa and set up an interview.  On the night of the interview I told them everything about me and I just knew they wouldn’t want someone like me in their nice house.  When I got off the bus at the Salvation Army I had like 15 minutes before I had to be in, so I called back to the house and Laurie (now an alumni in GA.) told me I had a home to come to.  I sat down on the ground and cried because I couldn’t believe they actually wanted me there after hearing what a bad person I was.  I then prayed all the way in the building because I know that was my God working in my life.  I moved in and my life has been one blessing after another.  I was determined to do things totally different than before so I began to get involved.  I started with becoming an officer in my house, working with housing committee, then becoming chapter chair.  And later I became one of the members to help start the Texas State Association (state board).  I now will have 6 years drug and crime-free on Nov. 19, 2006.  Who would have thought?  To all the newcomers, no one can work harder for your recovery than you.  I have a saying, “How Bad Do You Want It?”

Get active in your recovery, my house will tell you that my biggest pet peeve in Oxford is how some people just live in a house and don’t participate and become active.  For me, It’s not me just living in a house, when I did my 12 steps I learned the true meaning to the saying, “You have to give it away in order to keep it.”  I have to give back what was so freely given to me!!!!  So a challenge is to see how many members will get active in recovery, and within your house, chapter and state level.

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“You’re accepted Congratulations” those words rang dear to me that day more than 14 years ago and they still do today. I had made a life changing decision by interviewing at an Oxford House and I didn’t even know it. My time at a long-term residential treatment program for substance abuse had ended.  After years of abusing myself with alcohol and drugs (specifically Crystal Methamphetamine), a failed marriage, losing countless jobs, dodging creditors, alienating friends, family, and all those close to me, I had finally found a place I would come to call home; Oxford House Salt Lake. I never would have guessed an organization that allowed self admitted alcoholics and drug addicts to manage the day-to-day operations of a clean and sober house could have such a powerful influence on my life.

The house I was moving into wasn’t spectacular by any means. It was painted green with brown shutters and was very unassuming in a residential neighborhood known as Foster Village. The house was just a few minutes drive to the back gate of Pearl Harbor; something that made my roommate very happy as he was an active duty sailor pulling shore duty. He was also the house coordinator, which made our weekly house meetings very interesting as he would use his military bearing to point out the smallest infraction of the household chores. One of the other housemates was a gentleman named Kelly P.  He is the man who not only helped move me out of the residential treatment and into Oxford House Salt Lake, but he also loaned me money for my rent and deposit. I had just started working and was unable to pay my rent much less the required deposit. Kelly loaned me the money and good-humoredly said “don’t worry, I know where you live.”  I believe there is a special place in heaven for Kelly P.

I stayed at Oxford House Salt Lake for about nine months before moving to Oxford House Lusitana. It was a new house for men, but it had been a struggling female house in the preceding months before my arrival. With the help of the Housing Service Committee, and the local Oxford House Chapter, the new male house thrived. We had lived at that location for nearly a year when the landlord told us she was moving back into the property and we would have 45 days to vacant the premises! This was a significant challenge for me as I was previously able to move into two existing Oxford Houses but I had never sought to open a brand new house. I remember feeling scared and overwhelmed when I called the Oxford House Corporate office to seek guidance. I was given a pep talk and was assured that I could do this. The key advice from the Corp. Office was to “remember you are part of a family.”  I wrote down what information I could remember so I could share with my housemates. Later that evening the 8 of us sat in our house meeting. I retold of my phone call to Oxford House Inc. Then we began to talk and talk and share and then agreed that rather then go our separate ways, we would pull together and find a house. Our decision reenergized all of us. With a 45-day notice to move looming over our head we began to meet each evening to discuss our progress on locating a new property. It seemed our biggest stumbling block was convincing a landlord that allowing 8 adult men in recovery from alcohol, and other illicit substances, would have a positive pay-off for them. We began rehearsing our lines for prospective landlords and honing our salesmanship skills. We felt confident that as long as we conveyed the Oxford House concept and assured the prospective landlords that Oxford Houses pay their bills on time, we would be successful. We even added a touch of soft-soap and pointed out that each new Oxford House helps society deal effectively with people who are new to substance abuse recovery.

Our teamwork paid big dividends as we secured a house in Kapahuluu near Diamond Head. It was a five-minute walk to the local community college a ten-minute walk to Waikiki beach, and 2 blocks away a Church held AA meetings three times a week. We moved into our new house and named it Oxford House Iwalani that in Hawaiian means bird from heaven.

Oxford House Iwalani was my home for nearly six years. The house rarely had a vacancy. While the location was ideal, it was not the only draw. The house had a solid reputation of being a serious house for recovery. The seriousness of the house was always on display at the weekly house meeting. The members knew the house was able to function best when there was good communication amongst the house members. The meeting always opened with a thirty-minute smoking rule. We never allowed smoking in the common area, but on meeting night we could smoke thirty minutes after the meeting started, and could smoke thirty minutes after the meeting ended. This allowed us to get down to business right a way and then allowed us time after the meeting to relax and to share stories and catch up after a busy week.

I lived with many different people from many walks of life at that location. At Iwalani at one time or another we had roommates who were a teacher, a fireman, lawyer, actor, former pro golfer, taxi driver and countless individuals who were getting re-started with their lives. We also had people from every ethnic background imaginable. We had local Hawaiian folks, people from the mainland, a couple of guys from South Korea and a gentleman from as far away as Kenya. However, my two favorite roommates were a pair of taxi drivers. One was from Iran and the other was from Chicago. One was Muslim and the other Jewish. They became fast friends. They would go to 12-step meetings together, play cards, watch TV, have meals together and occasionally one would affectionately call the other the great Satan – much to the delight of the rest of us. Those two men taught the rest of us that in recovery all things are possible.

I moved out of Oxford House Iwalani in December 2000. My stay was an experience I will always cherish. It opened my eyes to a world in which one alcoholic indeed helps another alcoholic live a clean and sober life. I learned that giving a hand up is more effective than giving a handout but at Oxford House Iwalani we did both. My stay at Oxford House helped me to grow in all areas of my life. For the first time in my life I was gainfully employed at a job that was both challenging and fulfilling. I paid my bills on time no longer dodging creditors. I worked my recovery program, took some college night classes, became involved in service work at Oxford House and I even had the good fortune to attend the July 1993 Oxford House Chapter Meeting where I met a woman who would later become my wife. All these things were possible because I was clean and sober.

Today I approach my 17th year of sobriety. If I reflect on the trying times of my first few years in recovery, the divorce of my first marriage, the constant search for a meaningful job, my distrust of most people, my whole discontent and unhappiness – I realize that Oxford House and the people who lived there helped get me through some of the toughest periods in my life. My foundation for recovery was created in Oxford House. I firmly believe were it not for Oxford House, I would not have the successes I have today. With Oxford House, learning to live a fulfilling drug and alcohol-free life in recovery is possible and in recovery all things are possible.

I started using drugs at a very early age, around 14.  I was married and had my first child at 16, my second child at 20. I drank and smoked pot through both pregnancies and continued to introduce myself to more and more different drugs throughout my life.  I tried just about everything but heroin.  As my children grew up, it was “normal” to see mom doing lines, drinking, and smoking pot constantly.  It was also “normal” to see pot plants growing in between the tomato plants, the spare bedroom to have a clothes line in it with pot hanging and drying, and a constant flow of “friends” coming and going at all hours of the day and night.  When we went anywhere in the car, the bong pipe was right there between the seats.  When I did sleep, the bong was right there on the headboard, loaded and ready to go for my first bong hit of the day before I even rolled out of bed.  I did manage to work at a job where I could take my small brown bottle of cocaine to work with me.  The hours were perfect for me as I stocked the bakery department of the local chain store from 1:00 AM to 6:00 AM.  That gave me most of the day to rest in the sun after getting the kids off to school and gear up for an evening of partying, more cocaine, then off to work again.

I had a few moments of clarity after visiting my sister who lived here in Washington (my home was in California) and thought it would be good for me to move my kids and myself up here to Washington and change my ways.  I did make the move but I didn’t change my ways!  In fact, things got worse.  I was a chronic cokehead and was introduced to something new called "METH."  It was a lot stronger than coke and it took a lot less of it to keep me "up" for days on end!  I had found my new love.  The same friends who introduced me to this new drug also taught me how to make it.  For years I traveled around with this group with our "portable lab" renting nice vacation homes in remote areas of California, Nevada, Oregon and Washington State to set up shop and "cook."  I would send the kids down to California to visit their dad and grandmother there during Spring break, Christmas vacation and summer break.  Sometimes they had to stay longer if I wasn't able to get back to town or my sister would take care of them for me.  After the other people decided to go back to California to carry on their business, I was of course, going to find a way to carry on the business here so I shared the "recipe" with a family member and it was off to the races again!!! I was living with my family and cooking up a storm at their remote Battleground home.  Eventually the SWAT team interrupted our sessions and some of the family had to go to prison for a while.  I lucked out that time and my brother in-law took the rap for us all.

I moved around from house to house and from boyfriend to boyfriend.  Eventually I found myself a real nice boyfriend (David) and, as a bonus, his family liked to get high just like me!  By this time my kids were getting high right along with me because I introduced them to drugs.  An addict’s mind doesn't work anywhere near normal and I told myself it was better to have my kids at home getting high with me because they were going to do it anyway!  So, as my addiction progressed so did theirs.  Eventually they found mates of their own and we were one big happy addicted family!  We had moved out of David’s family’s house and were staying in a trailer in the driveway of a friend’s house.  Both the kids had lives of their own and were on their way to making me a grandma!

I had gotten very sick with blood poisoning and was in the hospital for 2 weeks and with only 2 visits from David during that time, I knew we were over.  For 2 weeks the hospital put me through every test in the book and couldn't find out why I was sick.  They had given up any hope of finding a cure for my blood poisoning, I should have died from it but someone up there had a plan for me.  I had very badly decayed back teeth from all the meth I had been doing and my sister and brother-in-law told the doctors to check my teeth.  They did, and the dentist pulled 9 back teeth and I was released from the hospital the next day!  No fever and no more bugs in my blood!  I had actually prayed to get better and promised I wouldn't do any more drugs if I got better.  Well, I got better but didn't keep my promise.  It was all because David had left me shortly after I got out of the hospital.  He was always totally against IV drug users so, my sick mind decided to punish him by starting to use the needle to consume my meth.

My daughter Heather, who was ready to give birth at any moment, took me in and I made her life a living hell.  She was trying to be a good clean new mommy and I was doing more and more drugs in her house than was imaginable.  I tried to stop but couldn't; the needle had a hold on me.  That was the beginning of the end!  Eventually I was banned from my daughter’s house and was living in a car someone had given to me.  The guy I was with at that time drove the car to a remote place in Yacolt and we passed out.  Next thing I knew we were getting woke up by the police!  The car was mine and all the drugs and paraphernalia they found in it were mine too.  And of course all the needle marks on me were a sure sign of me being an addict.  So, off to jail I went.  This was my first time in jail and after spending 15 days there I got out and went right back to the drugs.   Only I had decided to quit using the needle and start smoking it because that was the way David liked to do it and I was trying very hard to get him back in my life.  He started to supply me with all the meth I needed to help me pay off my court costs and fines.  I avoided the courts and my probation officer as long as I could but, they caught up with me one night riding in a friends car with bad tabs and lots of glass ware, pipes, pot, and a lot of little and big baggies of meth all broken up and ready to be sold.  I gave the police a false name; I told them my name was Amanda Kay Ayers (AKA). After about an hour trying to figure out who I really was as I sat handcuffed in the back seat of their car, I finally told them.  All that time my friend, who was driving, was in her car parked behind the police car. The police searched her car after they found out who I was and found all of the drugs and other stuff in there.  She had not been in trouble with the police before so they let her go, and off to jail I went again!

I was looking at some mighty stiff sentences because of what I got caught with.  Again, I prayed and promised to stop doing drugs if I didn't go to prison, and again someone had a plan for me.  I went to court a couple of days after I got put in jail, expecting to be sentenced for all kinds of stuff and instead I was exonerated of all charges because the police had left my friend in her car alone while they interrogated me. So my new case got thrown out of court.  BUT, I still had to answer to the DOC for not complying with the court orders from my first charges so; I stayed in jail for 9 months.  During that time my daughter brought my granddaughter Ashlynne into the jail to visit me and it just about killed me when she asked why I was there and why she couldn't hug me?!  I told myself at that time it was time to grow up and be a grandmother to my grandkids.  But, of course when I did get out of jail, I went right back to smoking the meth.  I had to comply with DOC this time or else so I stopped smoking pot because someone told me I could still do the meth and cover it up when I had to go UA.  The cover-ups didn't work and I kept getting dirty UA's when I did show up for them.

I finally had it with all the headaches of trying to cover up my meth use and went in to see my probation officer and told him "I need help!"  I told him I had given up everything but the meth and I needed help or to be locked up forever to keep me away from it.  He gave me the option of going back to jail or going to inpatient treatment for 30 days, then to John Owens recovery house for 60 days, then he wanted me to move into this place called "Oxford House” for as long as it took to keep my clean.  I agreed and was going to jump through his hoops to keep myself out of jail.  I even told my brother-in-law to bury some of the last batch we made so I could have some good stuff to do when I got out of treatment.  But, something happened about 3 weeks into my treatment program; it was like a light bulb had just come on in my sick little brain!  I understood some about the disease I had and didn’t want to have it anymore!  I made a conscious decision to really try to stay away from the drugs and anyone who used them (which was just about all of my family!).

So, I went to the recovery house and then moved in to the Lavina Oxford house in early July 1997. The women there really cared about me and supported me in every way they possibly could.  I was voted in as house Secretary right away and started to feel good about myself.  There was this woman who everyone in Oxford House was always talking about; her name was Myrna Brown.  I felt like I had known her forever when I did get to meet her.  She came by the house looking for volunteers for putting on a workshop and dance and of course we all know how Myrna likes to pull in the newcomers right away and get them doing service work right off the bat!  So, off I went and the rest is history!  I was hooked on Oxford House and what it did for so many people and what it was doing for me.  I got involved in Chapter when I became house President and from there I got involved at the State level.  I had a good job, found a boyfriend in Oxford House and decided to move out together.  I stayed very involved at the State level as the Board made a position for me as Alumni Coordinator.

When the time came for Myrna to retire I applied for the position of an Outreach Representative.  I was second choice but I am still here today in my 7th year of spreading the word of Oxford House and finding houses to open so everyone who has suffered from the disease of addiction can have a safe place to call home.  I would not be clean and sober today if it weren’t for Oxford House and I know that in my heart.  I touched so many lives throughout my life in such a negative way by doing, making and selling drugs.  Oxford House is in my heart and soul and has provided me with the opportunity to touch so many lives in such a positive way.  I had to live through the Hell of addiction so I could understand what people are going through with their own addictions and remember where I came from.  I truly believe this is the plan God had for me!

Quit drinking forever…did that mean I couldn’t even have a glass of wine with dinner?  I knew my social life would be non-existent and how would I function without a cocktail?  What would I do without my drinking ‘friends”?  I knew I drank like a lady.

The reality was I was totally dependent on alcohol and failing in all aspects of my life.  My one-year alcoholic marriage was a disaster.  I had alienated my family; I pretty much abdicated my responsibility as a mother; I quit my job (it took too much effort and interfered with my drinking); my social life was one continual drinking spree; and my spiritual life consisted of bargaining prayers during a hangover.  As one of my acquaintances put it, I didn’t drink like ‘a’ lady, I drank like 10 ladies.  It was after one of my marital drinking rows that my children put me in treatment.

I had been in treatment before in 1980, but it was an aversion type treatment.  You know, like Pavlov’s dog.  The attendants would pour a drink down me and give me a shot to make me throw up.  This lasted for ten days and even the smell of alcohol triggered a nauseated reaction.  Can you imagine, I couldn’t even use hair spray.  This lasted for about a year but the only support or outside assistance I had was that I could go back to the treatment facility and throw up for a weekend.  Well, my alcoholic mind told me I could still drink and throw up and have some fun.  Controlled drinking worked for a time but eventually I hit my bottom.  So, when treatment was pushed on me, I accepted gladly.  The program at this facility was entirely based on the AA 12 steps.

It was here I learned about the 24-hour program and it began to work.  There were people just like me, suffering from the addiction of alcohol and all the crazy things that go along with it.  Crazy?    When I read that second step about the insanity, I was highly indignant.  I wasn’t insane.  I just drank too much and did some really stupid things.  Like marrying a fellow abusive alcoholic I met in a bar, which, in reality, was one of the minor sins I committed.  My counselor suggested I reread my first step and then decide if my behavior wasn’t insane.  Thus I started on my journey of physical, mental and spiritual recovery.

When it came time to leave, fear set in.  I didn’t want to go back to that disastrous alcoholic marriage and I needed an opportunity to start a new life.  I asked my counselor if there were any group homes for recovering women.  I heard a lot about places for guys.  She said she had heard that a woman in the AA program was going to open a house to women but it hadn’t got going yet.  I met with the lady who was going to manage it and decided to move in.  I had to close out my other home and put my ‘stuff’ in storage, so I didn’t move in until a month after I completed treatment in March.  One other woman was now there.  I came in there with no self-esteem, and both my spirit and physical body were broken and bruised.

About 2 weeks after I moved in, the manager handed me a booklet and said I could read it and see what I thought.  It was the Oxford House Manual.  I read it and had the other resident woman read it too. She said it sounded good, but we would need 10 years of sobriety to start something like this.  Being the controlling addict I was, I decided to call the ‘800’ number in the book.  A life-saving angel named Mollie Brown answered the call.  She filled me in on the real concept and told me there were no houses in Washington, but 3 men’s houses had started in Oregon.  She also explained that there was a start-up loan in the works and I should contact the State Offices and the Oregon men.  I believed her and took action.  I probably drove her crazy calling almost daily.

The owner of the home lived out of state, but decided to visit the house and look into this Oxford idea.  She met with the Oregon people, released her manager and said, “Go for it.”  I spend many hours on the phone with Mollie and our state DASA contact.  In May, 1990, we (4) applied for the Charter of the Chalet Oxford House, joined the Oregon folks in a Chapter, furnished our 10-bed home, started making presentations, and became the first Oxford House in Washington.  I wish I could say I did this as a service project but it was out of my need.  Today I know that this was all part of God’s plan for me.  I gained so much in my recovery by sharing with these women and taking on responsibility again.

In the meantime I found a home group in AA, or they found me, and developed a support group both in AA and in the Oxford House.  I now had 3 months of sobriety.  The early feelings of insecurity, fear and shame plagued me but my Oxford roommates and my AA support group carried me through and encouraged me to start a men’s house in our area.  My thought was that I wasn’t going to need this much longer and would move back to my old area.  This obviously wasn’t God’s plan.  With the help of a fellow in AA, we searched for a couple of months to find a landlord – any landlord – willing to believe that a bunch of alcoholics and addicts would be good tenants.  We finally found a landlord and 5 months later opened the men’s Lincoln house.  This landlord was another blessing who ended up owning 8 of our houses.

Oxford Inc. had sent an outreach worker to Seattle to fulfill a contract with the State of Washington.  After opening a couple of houses in that area he was sent to another state.  A women’s house with children had opened in the suburbs of Seattle and was failing.  I received a call from Paul M. and Mark S. asking me if I would go there to help them out.  Fear and apprehension gripped my total being. Seattle was a ‘really’ big city that I knew little about.  I had been there to visit a few times, but to go up there by myself!  I had graduated from no self-esteem to low self-esteem, but that wasn’t enough.  It was one of the women in my house and my AA support folks who convinced me that I should go and put God in my pocket.  I was 10 months sober.

I knew one of the first things I needed to do was to find an AA meeting.  I celebrated my one-year at a podium meeting of about 200 people.  Again, AA let me know I was a part of a larger family.  We eventually closed the house.  It couldn’t even be turned into a men’s house because of its inaccessibility to bus service and shopping.  My 3 months turned into a year and more years and more houses.  What a blessing! I stayed sober and truly had begun a new way of living.  I lived in various Oxford Houses for 4 years until I moved to the Olympia area, our State capital.  Again my first priority was to find an AA home group and continue to open new Oxford Houses.  This continued on for 14 years.

The combination of Oxford House and the people and the program of AA have given me a life of peace and, most of the time, serenity.  My family and I have renewed our relationships and added 9 grandchildren.  I retired as a fulltime Oxford employee a few years ago.  I am exceedingly grateful to God, to AA and to Paul M. and the founders for the Oxford concepts, Mollie B. and the staff of Oxford, Inc., the State of Washington DASA, the hundreds of other people who have supported me personally including my sponsors, and the Oxford Houses and my sponsees.

Recovery hasn’t always been easy.  I have experienced a divorce, death of a family member, serious health problems and the day-to-day frustrations of my job and life in general.  Things that I have learned through AA and Oxford House are an attitude of gratitude, acceptance, love, forgiveness, compassion, and the willingness to take that next step.  With each of these comes action.  Oxford House gave me the opportunity to practice the principles and action.  Today, I try to ‘walk my talk.’  It is through my continued participation in AA that I can apply the ‘24-hour program’ and the principles in all aspects of my life.

My name is James M. and I was born on April 4, 1937 in Nashville Tennessee, the youngest of
four children.  I attended Nashville Public Schools and three years of college at Tennessee State University.

In 1957, at age 20, I got married; my wife and I had one daughter.  In 1959, I began working at the Nashville Post Office as a Railway Postal Clerk and in January 1967 I was given a choice by the Post Office to stay in Nashville in another position or move to another city and remain in my current job.  In February 1967, I decided to move to Washington DC.  I thought I could do better financially in the big city.

In Washington DC, away from friends and family, I began suffering from depression and was prescribed Valium.  I became addicted to Valium, which led to an addiction to more drugs.  I still functioned at my job with the Washington DC Postal Service and received promotions to supervisory positions, but my private life was a haze of smoking crack cocaine, divorce, and despair.  I thought I had it all because I had a good business selling drugs until I became my own best customer.

On November 17, 1981, I was urged by friends to get addiction treatment and entered the Arlington Treatment Program in Arlington VA.  I came out and promptly relapsed.  On May 1982 I stopped using again but did not know how long I could stay clean without help.  In August of 1982, I applied to live in Northampton Oxford House in Washington DC.  I was sure they would not accept me. All the residents were white and the house was in the best section of town.  I went back to my sponsor and hoped to talk him into putting me up.  Then I got a call.  I had been accepted.

Immediately upon moving in, I felt fortunate to have discovered this new family – even though it took a few weeks before some of the guys felt comfortable around me.  I studied the Oxford House manual from cover to cover.  Soon every meeting was a place where other guys would ask me whether we were conducting the meeting the way we were supposed to.  I was elected to one house office after another.  I stayed in Oxford House – Northampton for more than twelve years.  My new family taught me what was important in life.   After a few months in the Northampton House, I decided to devote my life to helping other addicts and alcoholics to find what I had found – a housing situation that provided support for recovery while also teaching the residents how to live responsibly.  

I have been fortunate. I married a wonderful woman.  That was why I moved out of Oxford House.  She has put up with me traveling around the country – from Hawaii to Texas – to help others establish Oxford Houses.  Years ago I convinced my brother Milton to get some houses going in my old hometown, Nashville.  Today I am a proud member of Board of Oxford House, Inc. and am thankful every day that I found Oxford House, AA and NA.

I was destined to become an addict long before I ever picked up my first drug.  So in that sense, I started on a road that was unavoidably leading me to Oxford House twenty years before I had even heard of it.  As a child, I knew I wanted to have as many life experiences as I could and for me, part of that intention meant I was planning to try every mind-altering substance there was to try.  You don’t find too many ten-year-olds that will tell you they plan to do heroin someday.  Between what I then thought of as an adventurous attitude (but would later realize was a self-sabotaging one), and the fact that there was a lot of alcoholism in my family, I was a disaster waiting to happen.  But I was ambitious and managed to get through high school and into a prestigious university before really starting to self-destruct.  I was naïve too. I knew that there were alcoholics in my family and by then my mother had gotten sober through the help of a twelve-step program.  I thought if I just avoided alcohol, I could use other drugs and avoid any negative consequences.  That was one of many lies I told myself in order to rationalize my addiction.

Another lie I told myself was that I chose to do drugs because I wanted to try things most people were afraid to do.  In actuality, I was the one who was afraid – afraid of living life on its terms like the rest of the world and afraid of being me.  I was uncomfortable in my own skin and when I started doing drugs, I thought I had found that answer to all that.  I wasn’t running to drugs as much as I was running away from life and my own feelings.  As soon as I went off to school, I became a hard-core stoner, and experimentation with lots of other drugs followed.  It took me a few extra years to graduate because of my drug use and the depression that followed.  By the time I did, I had tried heroin.  Again, I was so naïve, and I really thought I could use this highly addictive drug and avoid the terrible fate of all the other junkies out there.  I thought I was better than all of them.  Of course I wasn’t.  I had the disease of addiction as bad as anyone else I knew and eventually I was shooting heroin and cocaine, unable to keep a job, and wearing out my welcome with family and friends everywhere I went.  I was starting to see the worst consequences of addiction happening to the people around me, including finding my girlfriend dead from an overdose, but that still wasn’t enough to stop me.  I ended up going to jail in Virginia for possession.  I had fallen a long way from the guy who was voted “Most Likely to Become President” in his high school senior class.  Even then, I was unwilling to admit my own powerlessness over drugs and I still thought I could figure out how to manage my using if I just tried harder.  I was on probation and randomly drug-tested.  I was drinking all the time and even started to think I could outsmart the probation office.  I was wrong again and they sent me back to jail.  This time the reality of my situation finally hit me.  I never thought I’d be back in jail again.  I had abandoned someone I really cared about.  I had lost everything and I was totally helpless to do anything about it.  And I didn’t have the slightest idea what to do about any of it.  I had really hit rock bottom.  

I was sent to a treatment unit inside the jail and fortunately, was finally miserable enough to approach the ideas of addiction and recovery with an appropriate level of open-mindedness and willingness.  I was still skeptical, but I decided to give it a chance.  It was here, as I approached my release that I first heard about Oxford House.  At first, I just wanted to find an alternative to them sending me to more residential treatment once I got out.  I had been clean and sober for almost a year and I was anxious to start trying to life a life again.  The judge really didn’t want to let me go and only by agreeing to move into an Oxford House was I released.  I found an Oxford House in Richmond that had an opening and was willing to accept me.

Right from the start, I was impressed with the Oxford House system.  I remember thinking whoever came up with this must be a genius.  The idea that you could set up an environment structured in a way that screw-up addicts and alcoholics like me could run the place themselves was unbelievable.  But there I was, seeing it happen for myself.  The inmates were really running the asylum.  And they were doing a great job of it, too.  We paid our bills on time, the house stayed clean, we treated each other respectfully (most of the time), and people were staying sober.  The ones that didn’t stay clean and sober were evicted immediately.  I was really excited about what a wonderful thing Oxford House was.  The most important thing Oxford House was and still continues to be is the reason that I’m here today with over five years clean and sober, and not back in jail or dead.  I know that I couldn’t have done that if I hadn’t come to live in an Oxford House.  Even though I was released from jail with almost a year clean, I still wasn’t ready to live on my own and navigate life sober without the kind of support that Oxford House provided.  I owe so much to my 12-step recovery program but I remember there were many days in my first few months in Oxford House, when I was shaky, and probably the only thing that kept my unwell mind from going to the idea of using, was knowing that the house wasn’t going to tolerate it, and I’d be out on the street within a day.  Soon though, the treat of negative consequences gave way to the power of service work as one of my main motivators for staying clean.  Sometimes I think sobriety became a habit for me in spite of myself. Getting involved in being of service in my own house and then the local chapter was a way I sometimes say I tricked myself into staying clean.  There were many times when I was neglecting my recovery program, maybe not doing enough step work or may not going to enough meetings.  But on those days when I hardly felt like getting out of bed, let alone working on bettering myself, I usually had something to do for Oxford House.  And sometimes, just showing up is enough.  Knowing another addict was counting on me and getting outside of myself in that way has really been what has kept me clean and that’s all because of Oxford House.  After two and a half years of living in Oxford house, I left with a strong foundation of recovery, ready to take all the different things I had learned there and apply them in the rest of my life.  

But the blessings Oxford House has brought to me didn’t end with my residency.  Oxford House gave me a sense of belonging to something greater than myself.  Unlike most of what I did during my active addiction, this was something it felt good to be a part of.  I began attending chapter and state workshops and conventions.  I’ll never forget the first time I met Paul M., the founder of Oxford House.  It felt like I was meeting Bill W., the founder of AA.  When I attended my first world convention, in Seattle, I truly realized I was a part of an amazing thing that was growing worldwide.  I continued attending world conventions and learning more and more about Oxford House every time.  Then, a few months after I became an alumnus of Oxford House, I was hired to be the state coordinator for Virginia.  I never thought I would have the honor of working for Oxford House.  Now I travel around the state opening new houses, making presentations, and training residents.  The hours are crazy and sometimes there’s so much to do, it can be overwhelming, but I always feels very lucky to have been given this opportunity.  I have so much gratitude for how Oxford House saved my life.  Now I’m able to express that gratitude all the time in being of service to Oxford House and all the alcoholics and addicts that are fortunate enough to find one.  And there are so many more suffering alcoholics and addicts that need Oxford house, so it’s nice to be a part of expanding this great program.  I have never done anything in my life so rewarding, where I new I was really helping people and I could see the results every day.  I have returned to school and hope to earn a graduate degree in sociology.  I don’t know what lies in store after that or whether I will continue to work for Oxford House.  I do know that I will always be a part of Oxford House and whatever good things are coming in my life, I have Oxford House to thank for all of it.